Look at this picture of a party. What goes through your mind when you look at this?
For some people, the thought of going to holiday parties is something they really look forward to; they mark their calendars as soon as they hear of the date of the event. In their mind, they think about getting dressed up, meeting new people, seeing friends and co-workers in a different than usual office setting. They think about noshing on delicious treats, laughing and imbibing in the festivities.
For others, there is a different picture running through their mind. For introverts, the thought of going to a party can bring about feelings of anxiety and dread. When these people hear the date of the party, they write it on their calendar and try to think of a legitimate way they can get out of going to the event. They could be remembering the times they wore dressier clothes they felt funny in, standing “alone” in a crowd, not being able to make conversation or fearing the moment someone makes a comment or joke about them because they know they won’t be able to come up with any clever banter.
Over the years, I’ve noticed that there are many individuals who identify with the second scenario. I used to be one of them; click on the “About” tab on my site to get to know me a little better. Today I work with people who want to change their mindset about their confidence and I teach them one step at a time.
How does this relate to style? Simply because we feel the way we look.
Changing your mindset: First, you need to realize that your mind and body strive to be in accord with each other. If your mind is saying, “I’m shy,” then your body language will instinctively move in accordance. You may slump, look towards the ground, avoid eye contact and maybe even stutter. Conversely, if you want to have more confident body language, then you must first adopt a positive demeanor.
Here are some practical things you can do before and during a party:
- Do some pre-party warming up! Put some loud party music on. Now, jump up and down, lay on the bed, kicking your feet up in the air, sing loudly, and grin from ear to ear in front of a mirror. Basically, act like a crazy person! Sound silly? Try it and see.
- Get dressed up. Put in some real effort this time so you know you look your best, but be careful to wear something that you feel good in so you don’t worry about your appearance. When in doubt, dress up, not down for the occasion.
- At the party, make larger, fluid body movements. Confident people take up more space in a room.
- Be conscious of your body language. Stand tall and keep your chin up. Don’t fidget and keep your hands away from your face.
- Don’t stand in the corner by the snacks. Walk directly to the center of the room; that’s where people will gather.
- Make eye contact and smile, but make sure it’s a warm and sincere smile from your heart. There is a difference.
- To start conversations, introduce yourself and ask open-ended questions to the person you are talking to and listen intently. People love to talk about themselves!
By planning ahead and practicing, you can train yourself to act confidently and it will eventually become second nature to you. You will start to genuinely look forward to holiday gatherings and change the pictures in your mind. Make a commitment to yourself now to take steps to a more confident you!
The choice is always yours, make it a good one!
~ Lani
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